Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
