Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
