People with herpes should wear stickers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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