Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
