There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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