she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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