i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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