I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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