I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
