not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
