On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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