omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
