I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When are your genitals available?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
