The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
