my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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