You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
