I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
