don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
