i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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