I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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