Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
