What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
