Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
