her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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