i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
