She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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