im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
