he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
