with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
