I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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