Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
