is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
