Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
