And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
