Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
