I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
