Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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