I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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