That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
