Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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