hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
