My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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