Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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