Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
