drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I had to cum in my sink.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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