I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
