I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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