I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
