I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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