I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
