i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
