You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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