Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
