I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
