we have officially lost it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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