I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize