Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We need a shit load of segways right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
