Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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