Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
