Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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