How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
