i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
