Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
