someone get that fucking seahorse.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
