I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
