In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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