I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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