I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
