I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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