I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
