the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
