its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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