Non-Jews are for practice
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
