Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dicks are not precious.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
