you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
being pregnant is like rehab
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
